Tolulope Ibiyeye: Go On… Have Those Conversations!

At a period while growing up, I was scared of asking my dad for money. Should I say scared? I totally dreaded it! It wasn’t as if my dad has issues with giving his kids money, it had more to do with your timing.
The funny thing is that I had two of my siblings who never had this issue. As for them, they simply walk up to him and come back smiling. Good old cash had exchanged hands. By the time I finally summoned the courage to learn, many years had already passed; I was in my last year at the university.
If only I had taken time to have a conversation with my siblings earlier, I could have saved myself the agony I went through depriving myself of some needs. That is why it is important to learn the art of making good conversations and using it as a tool.
Conversation is a form of communication. Unlike talking, it is a two-way exchange between two people or more. Zorka Hereford captured it all when she said: “a lot of times, we enter conversations for the purpose of pleasant engagement in order to meet new people, to find out information, and to enjoy social interactions.”
When you think back at the conversations you have had with others, there’s always a purpose to it. It could be you wanted to:
Get answers.
Connect and build relationships or trust.
Make a contribution, share your thoughts or concerns.
The truth is that having conversations is inherent in us. It is a part of our nature to constantly interact with people. In order words, we are born to create conversations through the interactions that we have with other people. And while it seems to flow easily for some people, many often find it a huge task.
What hinders many are thoughts like “what do I say?” “Would I be liked if I say or ask this?” “How do I keep it going once I start?” The fear of saying the right things at the wrong time or simply saying the wrong things outrightly, fear of being mocked, rejected, or laughed at, and having one’s intention questioned are few out of the many reasons we think making conversations as hard.
What do you do to make conversations easier for you?
One thing to note is that this issue is not peculiar to you alone. There are many talented, educated, and sophisticated people who are also concerned just like you. They share these same insecurities too.
Knowing that the other person can as well be having the same thoughts as you should make you feel a bit better. They are humans too, so quit beating yourself up.
You should start seeing conversations as a tool to help you achieve something – a specific purpose. So when you need answers, simply ask! When you need to connect with someone for a purpose, deploy this tool, and get it done!
Do you need to share or voice your thoughts and make a contribution? You’ve got the tool right there in your hands, use it!
The post Tolulope Ibiyeye: Go On… Have Those Conversations! appeared first on BellaNaija – Showcasing Africa to the world. Read today!.

Your Child’s Academic Mediocrity or Failure Should Not Be Treated as a Stain on Your White!

The video of a man scolding his son for having a poor results went viral on social media, a couple of days ago. In the video, the father can be seen slapping the boy while lamenting on how poor his school result is, while someone, presumably the mother, recorded the video. At the same time, we heard a voice trying to placate the man.

The dad pays $21k USD as tuition fee every month and his son was skipping classes, failed maths & English
He Only passed music pic.twitter.com/h5TU9UBPt5
— JAGS (@EtniesJags) April 23, 2020

According to the image of the results,  the son had failed all his subjects – except Music and Geography and was absent for his Mathematics and English exams – the two ‘most important’ subjects.
There are a few things to note here:
Aside from failing, the boy did not bother to show up for two subjects – and the parents did not notice.
The boy passed music with a distinction.
The boy tried to explain and the father was too angry to listen.
In the midst of it all, the mother deemed it fit to make a video.
It can hurt deeply when parents have huge dreams and certain expectations of their kids and it seems like the kids are not rising up to expectations. But when it comes to education and the academic journey of a child, many factors come to play.
Many parents need to enlighten their children on the value and importance of education. A lot of children just go to school because they are at that phase where kids go to school. Many always pass their exams because that is what is required of them.
It becomes different when you explain to your kids that education is a journey, one that will help them achieve their dreams and future plans. Rather than push your kids to go to school and pass their exams, it is important to educate them on why they are doing what they do. That way, they won’t quickly open their books and pretend to read when they see you coming. You wouldn’t have to force them to study either.
It is also very important, as parents, to monitor your children’s academic progress. Parenting is more than spending huge amounts of money on your kids’ education or paying for textbooks and excursions. It is also about monitoring their assignments, going through their books, checking their grades by subjects, studying with them, having a discussion with their teachers to know how well they are performing in school and also having a discussion with your kids to know whether or not they are struggling with their academics. You should never wait until your kids fail in school before you pay attention to their academics.
What some parents do is that they visit their children’s schools unannounced, meet with their class teachers and ask about the academic performance and general behaviour of the child. That way, they know the child’s strengths and weaknesses and how to help.
If it ever gets to that stage where your child can conveniently skip school or be absent during examinations, then it means you have done a poor job in monitoring your children’s academic progress.
Although many parents want their kids to do well in school, they are yet to familiarise themselves with the academic struggles the child faces. Some of these could be dyslexia, bullying, fear, poor mental health, stress, bad learning environment. Some kids read but do not understand and while some can read to understand, they still find it difficult to express themselves while writing. Some kids have sight and hearing problems but their parents are either too busy, abusive or too careless to notice.
Many parents have beaten and nearly killed their kids because of poor grades without realising that the kid suffers from dyslexia. Also called reading disability, dyslexia affects areas of the brain that process language. Children who have dyslexia usually have trouble learning or learning as fast as other kids.

This was me with my son! It was frustrating, most especially paying so much to give him the best of education & I also allowed others beat him.Today, I regret every of that behaviour. I apologised & sought my son’s forgiveness when he turned 18.It turned out my son is DYSLEXIC https://t.co/nCBZ2GgSJk
— Aisha Yesufu (@AishaYesufu) April 23, 2020

Bullying, fear and poor learning environment also affects kids a lot. Many students are scared of certain teachers and this kills their interest in that subject. It also stunts a child’s learning ability.
It is also very important to create a really good relationship with your kids. Establish an environment where your children can open up to you whenever they are struggling in school or anywhere else. Most kids do not talk about their failures because they are scared of their parents. But at the end of the day, it reflects in their grades.
A lot of people believe that once they pay huge sums of money for their child’s education, the child must pass by fire by force. It doesn’t work that way. It is not rocket science. You have to nurture and ‘water’ your kids brainpower and then watch them produce amazing results. One way to do this is to listen to them. In that video, the child was willing to explain but the father wasn’t ready to listen. That would have been the perfect time to know what the problem truly is. When your kids know that they can talk to you, it boosts their confidence and helps them make good life decisions. If they can’t talk to you, then they’ll seek for solutions elsewhere.
Come to think of it? Why are we seeing this video in the first place?! Why is the mother recording this? Is it to humiliate the child further? Or is it because we now live in a world where we are so quick to whip out our phones and make videos? If your first instinct, when your child fails in school, is to take photos and videos, then you are clearly going a poor job as a mother.
While it is natural to get angry when a child fails, it is very important to realise that a child’s failure in school is also as a result of the parent’s failure in ensuring that the child is academically sound. Both parties have failed.
If the child can pass Music and Geography, such child can also pass other subjects, if given the right encouragement and motivation to keep pushing. This does not automatically mean the child wants to become a musician in future, Music is probably the easiest subject for him, it is, thus, important to find out why other subjects are difficult for him to learn.
At the end of the day, parents should invest better in their children’s education if they want good results. And no, it’s not all about money.
P.S: Failing in school is not the end of the world. The most important thing in life is to keep moving.
The post Your Child’s Academic Mediocrity or Failure Should Not Be Treated as a Stain on Your White! appeared first on BellaNaija – Showcasing Africa to the world. Read today!.