What Does it Take in Making Marriage Work? Find Out On Koko Kalango’s “Colours Of Life” | Watch

A new episode of Koko Kalango‘s talk show “Colours Of Life” is here.
In this episode, Koko Kalango speaks with Andy and Ngozi Jibunoh, who share what it takes to make a marriage work, and how Paul Adefarasin has been a mentor to them.
Watch the video below:

The post What Does it Take in Making Marriage Work? Find Out On Koko Kalango’s “Colours Of Life” | Watch appeared first on BellaNaija – Showcasing Africa to the world. Read today!.

Catch Up on All that Went Down Last Week on #AtHomeWithBN

Hey BNers,
In case you missed any of last week’s episode of our daily Instalive series, #AtHomeWithBN, not to worry, we’ve got the videos for you.

Our daily InstaLive series is still ongoing, and we have had an array of inspiring, motivating, educating, and entertaining talks from wonderful experts. There is no doubt our time with them when has been worthwhile. They have enlightened us on various topics, meant to help us through the current coronavirus situation the world is facing.
Here’s all that went down:

Monday
Ruth Obih of @3Invest spoke about what led to the digitization of her business 10 years ago without a lockdown and how she’s increased productivity at home since the lockdown.

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Ruth Obih @ruthobih of @3Invest talks about what led to the digitisation of her business 10 years ago without a lockdown and how she’s increased productivity at home since the lockdown in today’s episode of #AtHomeWithBN P.S: If you love this Live format, find out how to get it done from our tutorial with @everythingnaart. It’s on our IGTV #BellaNaija BellaNaija.com
A post shared by BellaNaija (@bellanaijaonline) on May 4, 2020 at 5:33am PDT

Tuesday
Relationship counselor, Tolu Falode shared how to stay in love when you cannot physically be with your partner.

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In today’s episode of #AtHomeWirhBN, Relationship Counselor, Tolu Falode @fantheflame discusses how to stay in love when you cannot physically be with your partner. #AtHomeWithBN #Relationships #BellaNaija BellaNaija.com
A post shared by BellaNaija (@bellanaijaonline) on May 5, 2020 at 5:59am PDT

 
Thursday
Yetty Williams of @lagosmums taught us about the effects of the digital world on our children and how to maximize the good and minimize the negative effects.

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The whole world is going digital. Watch as @yettywilliams of @lagosmums teaches us about the effects of the digital world on our children and how to maximize the good and minimize the negative effects. Catch this episode of #AtHomeWithBN #BellaNaijaonline
A post shared by BellaNaija (@bellanaijaonline) on May 7, 2020 at 6:06am PDT

Friday
 Chef Eros cooked a delicious seafood pasta at home on our “Cook With Me” episode.

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Make this delicious seafood pasta at home and unwind with a nice bottle of white wine this weekend. @ile.eros @iamcookiejar #AtHomeWithBN #BellaNaija BellaNaija.com
A post shared by BellaNaija (@bellanaijaonline) on May 8, 2020 at 5:50am PDT

Saturday
Dance workout with Bunmi Olunloyo on our “Get Fit at Home” episode.

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Join Bunmi Olunloyo @bunmi_olunloyo of @bailamos_dance in this 50-minute dance workout session on #AtHomeWithBN #BellaNaija #Workout BellaNaija.com
A post shared by BellaNaija (@bellanaijaonline) on May 9, 2020 at 2:10am PDT

Actor and content creator Steve Chuks @stevechuks_ shared the challenges he had to surmount as an upcoming actor in Nollywood in this episode of “Story Time”.

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#AtHomeWithBN Actor and content creator Steve Chuks @stevechuks_ shares the challenges he had to surmount as an upcoming actor in #Nollywood in this episode of “Story Time” on #AtHomeWithBN. Press Play!
A post shared by BellaNaija (@bellanaijaonline) on May 9, 2020 at 6:03am PDT

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Tolu Falode: So You Were Ghosted… Now What?

You thought your relationship was going well. It was perfect: you would talk to each other every day, exchange texts, messages, video calls, voice notes – you got comfortable with him. You talked about him to your friends, you became really excited about where you thought the relationship could go, what you thought it could become, how you were going to plan the wedding – you allowed your mind to travel in thinking about this man and the possibilities.
And then one day, it just stopped. He stopped picking calls. At first you were worried; what if something was wrong? Maybe he’s just busy. You talked about it with friends and they told you to give it time. Slowly, they got quiet because it became obvious he was no longer interested. Or so you thought. He texted you at his convenience and gave you no rational explanation for his behavior. He became hard to reach and difficult to talk to.
At some stage, you could have sworn he blocked your number because you could no longer reach him. The dreams of a wedding has been shredded and the possibility of introducing him to your parents is gone like the wind. The thought of carrying his last name has now left an unsettling taste in your mouth and you realize that you have been ghosted.
At this point, many thoughts would have gone through your mind: ‘why is this happening to me?’ ‘What did I do wrong?’ ‘I can’t believe this’.
You would have also gone through the 5 stages of grief: denial that it’s happening, anger that he could try this with you, bargaining with the idea that maybe he’ll come back and he just needed some space, depression at the thought that you were not enough and finally acceptance – although bitter acceptance – that it has indeed happened and you were ghosted.
Now you’re wondering what next?
Here’s what you should do in this situation:
Send a message expressing yourself
Let this be the only message you send. No response after this and no conversation. This is your block and delete message. This is the message where you express yourself for the sake of your closure and peace of mind. This message should encompass how you feel, what you think about the whole situation and why you are now moving forward. I repeat: this is your block and delete message. After this message, don’t reach out to him and don’t allow him reach out to you. This is why it is important you express yourself fully in this message so you know you are done and you would not have any regrets, moving forward. You have given yourself the gift of closure.
Look at what you did wrong
It’s time to examine the situation. Maybe you moved too fast with this man? Maybe you opened up too quickly? Maybe you let him in too soon? Maybe you got too close? Maybe you had way too many expectations from him…
Do a self-examination, so you do not have to relive this experience again in another relationship. This is the stage where you question where you are presently, where you’re coming from and where you are going.
Ask yourself what you have to offer in a relationship
Ask yourself what you have to offer in a relationship: What are you bringing to the table? What makes you unique as a partner? Where do you flourish and thrive? What qualities make you stand out amongst your circle of friends, colleagues and even family members? Now build on those areas; make your strengths stronger and also work on your weaknesses. This is important so you learn to value yourself and your time. When you do this, it’ll be much harder for a man to waste your time because you have placed a priority on it.
Ask yourself what kind of man you desire
Now that we’re clear on getting your closure, taking a microscope through your own mistakes and building on those qualities you’re bringing into a relationship, you can now take a step back and ask: “What kind of man do I actually desire?” This question is important to ask when you’re single and unattached to avoid falling into any situationships and unfulfilling relationships. Do you desire a man that’s financially stable? A man that’s secure? A man that doesn’t come with drama? A man that’s fit, eloquent, well balanced? Write it down and make sure you’re clear on what you desire.
Now, align yourself 
Alignment, at this stage, is important. Align yourself by cutting off any excess weight and removing extra luggage – this could be friendships, it could be hobbies and habits, it could also be self-destructive patterns. It really could be anything, and as long as it weighs you down and brings negativity into your life, you have to cut it out. After you have done this, replace that space with more positive activities: start that business, change your habits and hobbies, work on your attitude, take up hobbies that align with the kind of man you desire because it will be easier for you to identify him and attract him.
This is what you do after being ghosted. This is how you handle moving on and moving all the way up from that situation. This is how you change your space and become more positive instead of sinking deeper into a pit of self-pity.
The post Tolu Falode: So You Were Ghosted… Now What? appeared first on BellaNaija – Showcasing Africa to the world. Read today!.

Vimbai Mutinhiri & her Beau Dru Ekpenyong are MARRIED! #ForeverYong

Vimbai Mutinhiri is married! Zimbabwean actress and TV personality Vimbai Mutinhiri and her longtime boyfriend, Dru Ekpenyong, did not let the Coronavirus stop their plans of getting hitched.
The lovebirds got married today in Calabar, with the groom’s brother, Asuquo Ekpeyong, giving an update on Instagram.

He shared some photos from the sweet moment and captioned:
Earlier today, witnessing Andrew & Vimbai’s Court Ceremony.
It was beautiful and filled with love. I wish them God’s blessings as they start their marriage journey.
Thank you to everyone who video dialed in to witness.@dru_ekpenyong @the_vimbai#foreveryong #part1#LoveInTheTimeOfCorona
Vimbai has also been sharing some fun videos on her Instagram Stories. In one, she wrote that “This is the day that the Lord has made”.

We’ve been following the love story of Vimbai and Dru (from baecations to surprise trips to birthday dinners and their engagement), and we’re super excited for the couple.
The couple got engaged in October 2019.
Photo Credit: @donsuky
The post Vimbai Mutinhiri & her Beau Dru Ekpenyong are MARRIED! #ForeverYong appeared first on BellaNaija – Showcasing Africa to the world. Read today!.

There Was a Good Reason For Your Break Up, But You’re Going Back to Your Ex

For a lot of people, when a relationship ends, it automatically becomes a closed chapter. There is no turning back. In fact, some people immediately block their ex-lover on all social media platforms, delete their phone numbers and anything that’ll remind them of the relationship.
It doesn’t end there, many people are beginning to adopt the ‘biko biko, I don’t know you‘ act. Don’t know what that means? Oya hear the gist.
Have you ever dated someone that when you look back now, you wonder if you were blind or dumb? Well, it happens. Sometimes – for those who are still following their ex-lover on social media – your ‘ex’ will just give one ‘hot take’and you’ll open your mouth, wondering how you ever dated someone so dumb. What were you thinking?!
It is for this same reason that when some people see their ex – especially if the person is sagging or wearing colour-blocking, they will just throw their face one kain or suddenly focus on their phone.
For some people, na straight up denial:
Ex: Hey love, it’s so good to see you, it’s been so long. I really miss you.
You: Excuse me please, do I know you?
This thing can pain o, so you better think well before you do it, or kukuma don’t do it at all. Just say “hi” and keep going.
On the flip side, many people have ended up together years after they broke up with each other. After all, people always say that “na old firewood dey burn pass“.
Before you say “God forbid”, think of why you broke up with your ex. Was he/she mean? Abusive? Manipulative? Violent? Lazy? There are some people that you know you can never go back to, even if he/she is the last human on earth. You’ll prefer to remain single. That’s because while you dated, they were extremely toxic and that relationship broke you in many ways.
But there are other ‘exes’ that their own firewood can still catch if you light a match stick, especially if the circumstances surrounding the breakup was out of your control and the person has evolved through the years.
For example:
If the breakup was due to timing or circumstances
Aminu wanted to get married in the next one year and Farida knew she wasn’t ready. After stalling for a long time, she opened up and told him that although she loved him deeply, she wasn’t ready for marriage. That had to go their separate ways. Aminu was so hurt, but he was the first born, his parents were old and his family was pressuring him to get married.
4 years later, Aminu and Farida met at an event – both of them still unmarried. Still in love, they rekindled their relationship.
Sometimes, pressure from family, long distance, future plans and dreams can break up a relationship. In many cases, when one party travels out of the country to study, it brings  an end to a ‘flourishing’ relationship. This sort of relationship can be revitalized.
If it was because if religion or tribe
Zainab loved James and she knew her parents will never consent to the marriage. Yet, she went ahead with the relationship. Love triumphs, right? But in this case, religion was placed above love. Zainab’s parents totally rejected James and even threatened to disown her. This brought some issues into their relationship and they had to split up.
The same thing for Ada whose parents insisted that as the first daughter, she must marry someone from their tribe.
The funny thing about love is that no matter how suppressed it is, it has a way of rearing its head when you meet someone you were once so much in love with.
Both of you have ‘grown’ and evolved
Tade and Bukunmi dated from their secondary school until they were both in 100 level in the university. After their first year, they split because they just seemed to like different things and were not compatible.
9 years later and they are back together.
There is nothing wrong with going back to your ex. It will only be wrong when your ex was abusive and the relationship was toxic. You will be disrespecting yourself and doing yourself a lot of disservice if you rekindle a relationship with a person who has, over and over, disrespected and humiliated you in any shape or form – even in the littlest way. It will end in tears laslas.
If that is not the case and the previous relationship ended due to certain circumstances outside your control, then, by all means, go ahead. Let this old firewood catch fire.
But at the same time, you need to be careful. If your relationship ended because your partner’s family members loathed you, you might want to find out if they’ve changed their minds about you before you dip your head into the relationship. Some things don’t change and it is better to be safe than sorry.
If you are also going back to your ex because you are getting ‘old’ and your parents are asking you to bring a husband/wife home, then you’ll be making the same mistake all over again.
You should only go back to your ex because those butterflies dancing in your belly have not died and you’re both sure you are best for each other. You’ve both learned, unlearned, relearned and are ready to start the ‘forever journey’ together.
So guys, whose ‘old firewood’ has caught fire recently? Have you ever rekindled your relationship with your ex? How did that work out for you?
The post There Was a Good Reason For Your Break Up, But You’re Going Back to Your Ex appeared first on BellaNaija – Showcasing Africa to the world. Read today!.

Chineze Aina: Is the Lockdown Affecting Your Sex Life?

Most people in lockdown are likely experiencing drastic changes to their established routine. There’s no office commute, no school runs, no nightclubbing, no owambe weekends. It’s unsurprising then that for a lot of people, these changes may also be affecting their sex life.
Many of us have been locked in for at least 3 weeks now and it seems the pregnancy countdown your friends predicted may not happen after all.
What many are uncovering from being indoors with their partners is that they barely have time for each other, being indoors has not translated to having more sex.  Our days have somehow been occupied with long work hours still. People are binge-eating, rushing out to supermarkets, chatting on WhatsApp, doing online workouts, getting COVID-19 news updates, 5G and the conspiracies surrounding it, and wondering if this is the end of the world.
When it comes to feeling sexy in lockdown, I’ve never felt so far from it. I became perplexed and carried out a quick check-in with some of my besties. “Babe, are you getting busy?” And the answers ranged from a laugh to “hmmm, no not really” and very few “yes”. One friend said, “Netflix has snatched my husband o” and that hit home because across the bed from me, was my own husband watching ‘How to Get Away With Murder,’ clearly more fascinated by Annalise Keaton.
On Twitter, users lamented that the ‘general panic and despair’ had led to the sudden disappearance of their libido. Others described feeling ‘unappealing’ or wanting to cuddle and eat snacks instead.
In a poll of just over 9,000 people from NBC News, only 24% said the Coronavirus outbreak had positively affected their sex lives, 28% were neutral and 47% said it had affected them negatively.
Online, sex researchers and therapists acknowledge that people could really go either way. “After all, we know from a mountain of psychological research that two people can respond to the same situation in very different ways and that the factors that increase sexual desire in some can drive it down in others,” Justin Lehmiller, a sex researcher at the Kinsey Institute, wrote in a blog post.
Here are some of the reasons we are not getting busier under the sheets:
Stress
Though a lot of us may not admit it, staying home is turning out to be more stressful than we envisage. Being in a state of constant worry about COVID-19 and how to stay safe and the anxiety of potentially losing your job will take a toll on all relationships. Accord to Sandra Uko, a sex therapist, ‘sex is the last thing on people’s minds when they are worried.’
However, according to an article on Men’s Health, there was a 17.8 % spike in web searches on Pornhub in March suggesting that not everyone is experiencing a similar reaction to stress. It also reported that “people are also coming out of the woodwork asking for sex. We’ve seen an increase in people texting their exes or even casual partners from the past.”
In Writing in Psychology Today, sex therapist, Diane Gleim, suggests that it all comes down to a delicate balancing act. “A person’s sex drive needs just enough anxiety/tension/uncertainty to get activated but not too much anxiety/tension/uncertainty, else the person can get overwhelmed, flooded, and then sex drive goes underground,” she writes. “Think of it like the Goldilocks principle: not too much (anxiety), not too little (anxiety), but just (the) right (amount of anxiety).”
Less privacy
It is hard to keep intimacy alive when you have no space or time for independent activities. According to relationship expert, Esther Perel, in her book Mating in Captivity, too much closeness and a loss of mystery can impede on our erotic desires. She wrote “love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness. One does not exist without the other. With too much distance, there can be no connection. But too much merging eradicates the separateness of two distinct individuals. Then there is nothing more to transcend, no bridge to walk on, no one to visit on the other side, no other internal world to enter. When people become fused—when two become one— connection can no longer happen. There is no one to connect with. Thus, separateness is a precondition for connection: this is the essential paradox of intimacy and sex.”
During this interminable period of intense stress and anxiety, it’s hardly surprising if you find your libido and mood oscillating from one extreme to the other.  It doesn’t mean that your relationship is in trouble, it shows that you are human.
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Peter Molokwu: Stand Up Tall For You

Standing up for yourself and being decisive is not only the key to success and joy, it’s the key to getting respect from others. Often, we think deferring our wishes benefits a group or makes us more likeable. It’s simply the biggest lie ever.
What is true is that staying quiet, out of the way and deferring to others is a fear-based way to live. You’re staying in the background because you don’t want to feel uncomfortable or make anyone else uncomfortable (I’ve been there before).
When you are too afraid to speak up about what you love, too scared to set boundaries, and too fearful to have decisive opinions, you make little or no impression on others and do an incredible disservice to yourself. This way of living gives you no respect. It does nothing to move your life forward and, perhaps more tragically, it keeps you from genuinely connecting with other people that share your passions. Advocating for what you value helps people see you – the real you – and people are drawn to authenticity.
Practice and learn to stand up for the things you want or need, experience and advocate for them in your everyday life. This requires practice. It’s about building the muscles that support your metaphorical core, support your spiritual spine, when you’d rather crumple up all comfy in the corner of a metaphorical sofa.
You must strengthen your emotional core each day. Make yourself uncomfortable little by little as you stretch outside of your comfort zone. You have to incrementally develop the ability to stand tall, ask for what you need and advocate for what you deserve.
Here’s how to begin:
Every day, for the next 5 days, do one thing that makes you just a little uncomfortable. Things like:
Say No
When someone asks for a personal favor, a quick job outside your schedule or your attendance at some event that’s wasting your time, decline politely. Ensure you don’t apologize and lean into the discomfort that follows.
Speak Up
At some point this week, someone will have a conversation about something you have an opinion about. Express this opinion about what should happen in the project, what you believe about politics, or how Aunt Sally needs to shove it already.
Prioritize You
There are things you value deeply in this world; things you want to do and cultivate. Make space in your life to do them. Whether it’s prioritizing your health or hobbies, or promoting your own. You’re allowed. You deserve it.
Remember Your Why 
You need to remember your why; it’s the reason you’re doing all of this. It’s the reason you jump out of bed every morning excited to smash out the day.
Whenever I’m faced with a decision that requires me to either put myself first or give into temptation, I like to imagine the future.
I imagine myself having already achieved my goals and I ask myself these two questions:
Who’s there? Who are the people that are still in my life? This will tell you a lot about the decisions you need to make.
Each day, take a tiny chance. Calcify your will. Connect genuinely. Stand tall. Be authentic and strong and model life with a backbone. It will benefit you and everyone around you.
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